I’m sitting here staring at this screen and this picture. I took it a few nights ago.
It’s the contents of my ‘Joy Jar’….and is very powerful for me.
In December of 2015 I finally purchased a green blown glass pitcher I’d been wanting for a considerable amount of time.
Blown glass fascinates me and I love how green glass looks. For whatever reason I’m drawn to it.
The first time I saw that pitcher I wanted it and every time the catalog that sells it came in the mail (once a month), I still wanted it…for well over two years.
I kept telling myself I didn’t have enough money, that it was frivolous and you buy ‘frivolous’ when you have ‘necessity’ covered.
I knew this wasn’t true….it is and it isnt’…
Stick with me.
I’ve learned a LOT about money in the last 4 years.
Money used to scare and plague me.
At one point about 8 years ago, my, then husband, and I were $70,000 in debt…that didn’t include our mortgage.
I put a freeze on spending money on anything that wasn’t necessary for a considerable amount of time.
We were in fucking triage. We needed to stop the bleeding out.
And that worked….in theory, and for a time.
But we kept living that way; telling ourselves we didn’t have enough money….
And magically, we seemed to not have enough money; ever.
I’d had enough; with a LOT of things in my life and got some help.
I hired a coach.
I used a fair chunk of our tax return money to pay her, in full, for 10 sessions.
I’ll remember it forever….$1875.00.
I was SO incredibly proud of myself for saying yes to me so loudly and so seriously; committedly.
For trusting my intuition….that said, ‘Fuck YES!!!!’ while it also felt a bit of fear.
I was LIT UP!
And I KNEW I was gonna get shit DONE.
After our first session together, I had this intense desire to recover our dining room chairs that looked like shit. I KNEW I needed to do it.
We spent money we ‘didn’t have’ on fabric and I recovered the dining room chairs which was crazy empowering.
It was a small act AND it was me, taking a step to saying “YES!” to me and taking my life back…..to making it look and feel the way I wanted it to feel.
After the second session, I had an intense desire to repaint the bathroom, fix the tub surround, and recaulk. So. We spent money we ‘didn’t have’ on supplies to update the bathroom.
I did the caulking myself. The first time ever and it looks terrible; fucking awful…AND I DID IT MYSELF!!
Another step, another seemingly small act, a step saying ‘YES!!” to myself and taking my life back….to making it look and feel the way I wanted.
After the third session, I KNEW I needed to take over paying bills and being responsible for finances. I’d left that primarily up to my former husband and there was a way I knew I needed to do it, but just never did.
So. I took over our finances and paying bills….and fucking LOVED it!
This was one of the single most empowering things I’ve ever done.
I discovered I’m really fantastic at managing money. Really.
And that bullshit story I told myself about not having enough….
I am now single and my four children and I are living on about a third of what we were when I was married and we ALWAYS have enough and more…and it keeps growing.
So what changed?
I learned how money really works, what it’s true purpose is.
I learned about my money story, why I had it, and healed it, the pieces that were showing up…and I continue to address them as they show up….as they always will. It’s money.
I learned that words are powerful and OH so magical and when you keep telling yourself and the Universe there isn’t enough and living your life in this manner; the Universe has to comply. It’s a law; like gravity. Truth.
I learned that every time I invested even a little money in myself, even more came back, in ways I never could have imagined.
Every time I open up and follow my heart and say, ‘Yes!’ to me….something awesome happens.
Dare you to try it!!! 😉
What we’re willing to invest and do, comes back to us, multiplied.
What we focus on we get more of.
In the words of one of my mentors, Jesse Elder, ‘What we appreciate, appreciates.’
Money exists to serve and as a means of exchange…and the story we tell ourselves about money and how it shows up for us is incredibly powerful.
Our money story is a lot wrapped up in the story and experience we had with our father…..think about that for a bit…..Yeah.
And when we heal those places, the way money shows up in our lives changes.
I KNOW I am taken care of, provided for, safe, and supported. I didn’t always.
When I am noticing, focusing on, paying attention to all the ways and places this plays out in my life….it also shows up in how money shows up for me.
Knowing I am taken care of, provided for, safe, and supported is a MUCH more delightful way for money to be magical in one’s life.
I used to be in constant fear and anxiety and absolute distrust in any of these things.
Now I help and support my clients in moving through these spaces too and creating what they truly want instead.
So? What does all of this have to do with the picture of a pile of little pieces of paper?
Each of those pieces of paper holds a memory from this last year that brought me joy….and each of those experiences and memories has power because I took the time to experience it, feel it, write it down, and actively appreciate it.
Then, I relived each one again, appreciating each again, when I read through them the other night.
I got to remember how amazing my life truly is, and how when I invest in myself, even, and especially, in the midst of one of the most challenging and difficult years of my life…something absolutely beautiful emerged.
What we appreciate, appreciates.
What we focus on, we get more of….
Want more debt, more bad days, more of a mess?
Or perhaps you’d love to invest in yourself, your life, No….your fucking AMAZING life, the one you know ‘deep down’ would absolutely LIGHT you up (and probably tell yourself you can’t have for what ever reason….) by switching your focus, doing what you need to heal old wounds and stories and rewrite a new one; the one that would have you in JOY.
What do you want, Love?
What do you want to experience?
What do you want to feel?
What are you willing to invest to get that?
What’s it worth to you?
YOU have the power to change your world, rewrite your story, and create the life you SO long for.
What DO you appreciate about yourself and your day today?
What have you been telling yourself you can’t have because you don’t have the money?
How would you feel if you just spent the money and got it?
Willing to try???
This. Is a fucking powerful place to begin.