This is where we begin. At the beginning of what our heart wants to express.
And this is spoken primarily from one aspect; need in relationship with a romantic partner.
It has been such a fucked up place for us.
Needing often wasn’t allowed when we were little; wasn’t safe. Needs weren’t met….because the adults in our world didn’t have their own needs met…and so the cycle goes. We became codependent and lived in a warped frustrated never ending cycle and pattern of desperate need….the kind of need that has one believing death is impending should one not received what they want. NOW.
Where we’re always grasping, always holding onto HAVING what we want and that our very worth teeters on our receiving it or not.
Where we are enslaved, perpetually, forever to our want, our desire.
The original sin.
The forbidden fruit.
‘Forbidden fruit my ass.’ He wrote.
And that night, we stepped into the Garden of Eden.
To know true need, is to be free.
At least, that is how I’m feeling and understanding right here, right now.
To be in complete acceptance of our need to need and just how sacred and beautiful this gift is.
Some would say this is DESIRE and right now, in this moment, today, my heart screams NO! because she knows who she is and what she feels; she knows, and trusts, her truth.
She has known her deep need for touch that is loving and gentle, and rough, primal, yet loving.
She has known her deep need for a voice that is soft, confident, strong, certain, leading, wanting, loyal, committed.
She has known her deep need to know all of herself.
She has known her deep need for eyes, deep like the sea; that hold SO much truth, strength, pain; knowing.
She has known her deep need for arms and a heart that can hold her and allow her the safety and space to BE all of who she is….wild and tame.
She has known her deep need to BE this for him…for others.
She has known her deep need for home; for that space within herself….and the deeply perfect and precious gift of finding that within another….a mirror…and a compliment of who she is.
The place where we look into another’s eyes and see ourselves, ALL of who and what we are, and SO much more.
A place of deep acceptance.
Breath caught in our throat.
Heart beating wildly.
Terror and elation all at once.
She has known her deep need for this.
This place of need that is oh so freeing.
She has known her deep need of believing this could be possible.
She now recognizes her deep need to keep believing and to see and BE in it; to live it.
She now recognizes her deep need to believe the Universe has her back; always. That she gets to have and live this gift; that the Universe deeply, truly wants her to have this….perhaps the Universe needs her to….needs her to open and receive it….to revel, create, BE in joy inside of it.
She now recognizes her deep need to receive and accept this gift.
Her head can barely grasp the brevity of what she is realizing….and her heart knows….has always known…and rejoices that the time for this is here.
Her conscious knowing.
This experience….and all that will come of it….all that will be created.
This breathtaking gift.
This confirmation of all she has known…and in the knowing her now deep understanding of her worth, of the magic and power of the Universe, of just how deeply she is loved, admired, and adored; this child of the Universe.
This One, she, who said ‘YES.’ to this experience, in this place, at this time.
She is overwhelmed, in awe, astounded…tears flowing in a steady stream down her perfectly imperfect, beautiful human face.
‘You get to want what you want.’
‘Don’t you see how much I want to give you what you want?’….and she feels, deep inside, in every cell…’How much I need to….because it’s who and what I am…and how much you need to receive because it’s who and what you are…’.
And she lies on his chest, listening to his heart beating as he kisses her head.
And she reads this article (http://lissarankin.com/how-to-be-needy-without-being-codependent) by Lissa Rankin…..in which need is described as,
‘We need healthy food, clean water, shelter, physical and emotional safety, emotional intimacy, and a feeling of belonging to a tribe of people who love us. We need the opportunity to do work that matters—without having to sell our souls for a paycheck—so we can give our gifts to the world and have them received. We need to be loved but we also need a place for our love to land. We need beauty and nature and the opportunity to express ourselves creatively. We need sex and good health and a deep connection to our true self. As humans, we have needs. It’s a simple fact. If we don’t get our needs met, we suffer and/or die.’
And finally so much is clear….another side of need, that isn’t her wounded inner child…
Why she needs his touch, his voice, his eyes…
Why she feels so sad when they part….
Why she feels so antsy, agitated when they haven’t seen one another for some time…
Why her anxiety was so loud that one time…
Why she so needs to belong…
Why she needs sex…
That he feels and needs all of this too…
That it truly is safe to believe they get to be and do this together…
The mind blowing, heart opening gift this is…
That this goes way beyond the codependency she has been so afraid of….
Why she’s been so exhausted….because she’s been holding back, fighting what truly wanted to be and flow….because ‘What if….’…
Yes. What if?
Is it still worth it?
That it’s safe for her to need and to want and to express both.
And it isn’t just with him…it’s all around her, in each of her relationships, and in her creative space.
That YES. She needed to BE all of this for herself first…and now it’s time for both, for her to open to, trust, and receive what she needs from others as well. That this gets to be her new lesson.
It’s been so taboo.
It’s been revered and admired to be independent.
What of interdependence?
There is more than one side of need, more than one perspective, more than one truth and way of experiencing it; everything.
It’s time to take a good hard look at, and experience the freeing, healthy side, Love.